The shortest distance between to(o) point(les)s…is a straight line!

The pursuit of happiness has always been more of a task list…

1. Get married to the richest, most successful, good-looking “Indian” professional who’s family are akin to ours in all aspects.
2. Become the pride of his family doing as they ask & always ensuring his happiness.
3. Have beautiful children & keep an impeccable home.
4. Foresake what is needed to ensure his happiness including dreams of a career & in turn you will be treated like a Princess…showered with gifts &  luxurious trappings befitting your beauty & consistent good behaviour.
5. You will be secure & not wanting of anything.
6. Make sure you raise successful & beautiful children who will in turn continue to this unending chain to eternal bliss..

Can you see it? Me Neither!

Because you, Kailash, are fairer than one would’ve imagined… just stay out of the sun. You are “beauuutiful” (I’m actually hot…not beautiful), you have a great body & your hair would be perfect if you kept it straight! Just roll your rotis round, cook your chicken curry strong… practice wearing heels, don’t wear so many colours & crazy things. Mostly, keep your big mouth shut & don’t always try to be clever. No man wants a clever wife. Learn your prayers & prayer rituals.

Growing up…Religious Education was the most predominant education I received.

Stay in Medschool (how else does one call dibbs on the most suitable & handsome doctors?) & always smile nicely at weddings because you look lovely in a sari.

Can’t argue there…I do work a Sari!

So easy!

#NuffSaid

I actually came to learn that I was every handsome Indian Doctor’s complete solution & ticked every box he had been tracing off the walls in the deepest caves of Laudium/ Durban/ PE or wherever.

I simply had to seal the deal was confirm the exceptional household training & cultural & religious status that my family proudly maintained… that was the easy part…

I’ll claim that my kitchen & housekeeping is exemplary.

The only thing I had to really do that required any effort was to kill the fire inside me…quell my  personality… conform…fit in…yet stand out in the race to be the prettiest/fairest or best dressed of course… follow the rules…tow the line…be what people wanted & expected me to be.

Cruel you might think? Sexist? Disenfranchising? Not at all! The family who I grew up with who gave me the “Secret to Eternal Happines” loved me much & saw enough potential in me to uncover the best happiness (ie; I could have the perfect “Indian” life) that they sincerely & lovingly devoted their time & effort into giving me every tool I would need to claim the best prize!

Vella Papa had 6 kids (1 late) at the time.
3 daughters who had 5, 4 & 4 kids respectively and 2 sons who had 4 kids each.
Kamala Akka had us all!

What my family did was try their hardest to help me be the best I could be within their limited frame of reference of what “being the best” is and the parameters in which that actually matters.

Kamala Akka and I!
Most of my training came from my other Mother from my Grandmother 🙂

What they ended up doing is instilling in me a sense of competition. Be the best (wife)! Get the best (husband)! They also helped me see that I had some edge that I could leverage to get what I wanted.

The Chetty Women have always had it going on!
My Aunts a family picnic. Circa late 50s-early 60s.

They taught me that if one wants the best, you needed to do what it takes to be the best & always maintain your pride & dignity in doing so. Mostly, they left no room for mediocrity or the unexceptional. That’s how women fulfilled their duties as caregivers to girls….back in the day…

A family blessed with boys!
All my Male cousins are exceptional individuals & did their part in inspiring us all.

I was the my Father’s 1st born child!

1979-A girl baby!

I don’t think my Dad knew that 1st babies come in girl & beyond that had no idea what to do with me besides kisses and hugs…Until my Father discovered that I was smart!

The beginnings of the Uber Geek!

Suddenly life became an endless adventure of him testing what I could learn & how fast...mostly, he realised he could influence me by reasoning with my rational processing powers.

Stories by Dad & Kamala-akka of Europe filled my head with lust for seeing this other World.

All of a sudden, at age 5, science, space, music, history & actual real-life recollections beyond anything I’d imagined filled my head with more information than the requirements for the perfect marriage.

Saturday trips to learn how to work for a dollar bill in Marabastad turned into a disclosure and often, expose of all sorts of unexpected tales. My Dad was my 1st www. & he had no idea as to the limitlessness of the adventures he instigated. He was also the 1st person to tell me that I could actually be anything I wanted to be… besides a great snare of rich, successful, perfect husbands.

“I threw coins into this fountain in Italy. They say that if you throw a coin in, you’ll return! Maybe you’ll go instead!” he said… While Apartheid gripped his family & friends in the vice of further oppression, confining & isolating them even more… Sandha was the exotic fascination of every Mary in Dublin!

Till he came home and did the conventional thing by marrying the woman who was everything he had ever wanted…in an unconventional way!

Shock Horror!
My parent’s Guji-Tamil marriage shook Laudium to the core!

Someone give Sandha a Bells. Guji stekkie right?!

He lived a different life in a different world & didn’t succumb to the challenges of leaving his comfort zone. He made it the best life experience by taking in as much as possible without reluctance or hesitation. His guidance, advice & scolding came from a completely different view-point. A bigger, better, more cosmopolitan global view-point.

The 60’s & 70’s was a terrible era in SA, but in Europe, it was the dawning of the age of Aquarius & he was in it.

The 70’s in SA!

The 70’s in Europe!

Most of my Dad’s misadventures left me shocked & in awe.

I didn’t even know you could talk to a white lady let alone have a white girlfriend.

My Dad seemed like the only person in Laudium with any guts or wanderlust.

 

“When Papa came to visit, I took him to the Moulin Rouge. It isn’t a bad place. There are just Beautiful girls doing a show called cabaret but people who don’t know what it is think it’s something terrible.

I smoked cigars & drank with him for the 1st time. Champagne.” he told me…

My Father & Grandfather!
The Twins’ 1st Birthday Party.

---

 

Dad: You must travel through Europe when you’re a student. That’s what students do? Me: In school?

Dad: No! College. After school! You must go to college to become a professional. A lawyer or a Doctor. You are clever in Maths like me and you have your Mother’s brains too!

Me: Alone?

Dad: No with your friends. You’ll make friends. College friends. Pen pals. Krishie. Himal. Me: Before I get married?

Dad: Yes! You must experience things & be independent before you get married. Stand on your own feet!

---

 

So suddenly there’s an alternative to what I was always given as my only option in life. As opposed to being the fairest, most obedient, well-groomed housekeeper, cook & breeder of genetically modified seeds…I could do something else in between. That was exciting and so much more appealing at 4 years old!

By the time I was 6, I was plain, shy and completely introverted…and I, at no point expected that I was extraordinary in  any way…

Until I “came out 1st” which did not mean I exited 1st but had the top marks in Grade 1 at Jacaranda Primary…

Although I loved learning, I knew that my 4 year old sister was smarter than me… Being bored stiff and knowing everything that I was being taught just fitted into my label of being a “big mouth know it all”.

Being awarded the 1st prize in front of 1000 “Indians” in a hall with my Dad filming me getting a book prize…a NEW book prize was something else. I claimed my brain and didn’t care about anything else but being the cleverest.

Which led to the next evolution of the dream I inherited.

---

 

Dad: You got a problem! You’ll have to marry someone cleverer than you!

Me: Why? None of the boys ever beat me at any subject.

Dad: Men don’t like women who are cleverer than them. Not me. I married your Mother for her brains (ja right) because I wanted to make sure youple (you people) where smart. But I’m smart! If your husband is stupid, he’ll feel threatened & men do things like hit their wives & terrible things when they feel inferior.

Me: *Scared* OMG! What if I don’t ever get married then? None of boys at school are cleverer than me.

Dad: Don’t worry about these fullahs. You’ll meet other people all over. But just promise me you won’t marry a stupid chap. He’ll get so fed up with you and your big mouth on top of it… you’ll keep telling him what’s right & what’s wrong!

Me: I don’t have a big mouth. Ok Dad. But clever guys are ugly!

 

---

 

How ever many times the inherited dream and fail proof formula to eternal happiness was re-purposed in my head to accommodate the bigger, better and more soul satisfying dreams…and no matter how many women around me set the way by also personalising the formula and succeeding in achieving their dreams & following the prescription for happiness with new age add ons like degrees, driver’s licenses, boyfriends of their choices, dating & going on holidays on their own… I was always challenged by the instigation & encouragement into achieving things that I hadn’t even considered possible for me let alone supported by my Dad.

Happiness suddenly had many variables and it looked like there where many roads to the same destination!

My dreams where far bigger than being the perfect girl in order to find the perfect man…and it’s all Sandha’s fault!

• Age 1: Oh you can walk! Now Rollerskate! Everyone in London rollerskates. You must pass these onto the younger kids and the older kids will pass theirs into you.
• Age 3: We bought you & Krishie motorbikes with a battery you charge then put on the bike & you can ride it together in the street like real motorbikes!
• Age 4: Look, do you want to learn how to use my video camera?
• Age 4: Come here! Let me show you how to use the video machine & record shows from TV onto video and  play videos.
• Age 4: Let me teach you time-tables.
• Age 5: Ok ok! Don’t worry! There’s nothing wrong with playing PacMan. Here take this silver. Don’t tell your Ba. Go run play the shop, play 2 games then come back. Quickly.
• Age 6: Don’t ever think a woman mustn’t know how to do things. Come help me change the plug. Remember, find a man who’ll do all this for you. Not a useless.  But make sure he knows you can do it yourself.
• Age 8: We are going to live in a mixed area with blacks and whites and coloureds. I’m sick & tired of Indians and the mentality.
• Age 8: Come watch the World Cup. Let me explain the game.  Brazil is the greatest football country in the World! Bloody East Germany!
• Age 8: Come watch James Bond! Now this is the kinda guy you must look for. He how he dresses? See the car? Gentleman that!
• Age 9: This is roulette.
• Age 10: What you asking me for? All the girls London wore hot pants! Let her wear shorts man. This is Midrand. No one is watching what they are doing!
• Age 10: My friend is coming out of exile. Looks like we are going to see a change in government. Youple can do whatever you want. If wherever you want. I hope this happens then at least you have the opportunity to make something of yourself.
• Age 11: Take the steering wheel.

I had an Aeroplane cake and Car cake for 2 consecutive Birthdays! This is me on my 3rd Birthday.

• Age 11: You girls wanna go to a concert? Whitney Houston! Here, hide our tot packs in your jacket!
• Age 12: Here. Read the Qu’raan. Read the Bible too. Understand the next man’s Religion!
• Age 12: You are going to a white school that’s final. Would you rather be head girl in Laudium or get a better education.
• Age 12: Congratulations on coming of age. I’ve been keeping this drafting set for you. Try to see if they’ll let you do technical drawing at school.
• Age 13: You are pretty! What you taking about!
• Age 13: What? Where you wanna work? How much they paying you? Ok I’ll take you.
• Age 15: You can’t date till you 21 and remove that  nail-polish!
• Age 16: Make sure he opens the door and takes your chair out. Be home before 10 and here’s R 500 in case. Just in case. Have fun.
• Age 16: Come change this tyre with me.  You can’t be stuck in the middle of  no where…
• Age 16: Do me a favor. Buy your own house before you even think of getting married. Don’t ever be obligated the stay with a man if things don’t work out. Have your own assets.
• Age 18: Here! This is Dooley’s. A new cider the rep brought. Try it. Here’s a straw! Don’t be scared of alcohol. I won’t let you get drunk. Drink it quickly and losen up.

I could’ve taken that easy 3-step route to eternal happiness & had I not known any better by not being exposed to it, I would be married with kids right now.

But… does the formula deliver the happiness it promises? Because that’s where it ends. The key to happiness isn’t a happy marriage.  It’s getting married!

Having kids. Then being married as per requirements.

I know my Dad would Love to see us married to deserved men who treat us well…I know this because he makes no secret of it.

But, I’m also pretty damned sure that he is super proud of the Mummy & Daddy I am…especially because every lesson he gave me in  independence has enabled raising my child.

He took a simple plan & turned it on its head by filling my head with bigger dreams & always reminding me that I can be whatever I wanted to be with or without anyone else. Mostly, that fulfilment of my dreams was not dependant on anyone else.

I realised that I have and am making my BIG, wonderful dreams come true and am more happy than ever… Many can’t understand how this could be possible without following the rules & obtaining the husband & child in standard family home trophies…

BUT here’s the thing; THERE IS NO THING OR PERSON THAT MY HAPPINESS IS ATTACHED TO.

I took the road less travelled and certainly don’t conform to normal.

But I am happily married to a life of fulfilling the great destiny I was born to.

Age 8: The shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line! Pythagoras!

Except, Life is not linear.

It is curvy and colourful and bumpy and slippery…but your willingness to think beyond the boundries of what you had been taught and step outside of the limitations of the world you had been placed in empowered me and my sisters to be more than someone’s “lovely wife”!

More than anything I could achieve, I fully believe that I am raising a little girl who will change the World in some way and make her mark on humanity. She is a product of who you let me be.

I thank you…because if Point 1 is where I am, and Point 2 is Happiness…the shortest distance would have taken me to a lesser Happiness.

Not only is the road less travelled exhilarating and exciting, but every wind and slope, kink and bump forces me to shift the bar and strive for more.

Let’s go!!!

Walking the Road Less Travelled…

I am Happy!

I Love You and everything you have done with me, for me and because of me.

And yes, there where many wonderful people in my life who contributed to making me who I am…

but this isn’t about who I am…

it’s about who I want to be…

the culmination of the dreams that I’ve had, those I’ve fulfilled and those I will have…

and you got me dreaming Dad!

At the Flamenco vs. Vasco Da Gama-Rio-2011

H2O March 2011-Fabulosity:)

No less than fabulous! H2O March 2011

Tag team at a game of pool!

Father’s Day 2013!

Sugar Loaf Mountain and a Carnival party I will never forget!

WC2010. Supporting the Black Stars!

“This crazy girl!” he is thinking…

Punkie!

Sona and her Papa!

My Dad is the only Father Sona has…lucky girl!

Chetty Princess.

1982/3 in Papa’s house, Laudium.

So…I find myself single, in my 30’s.

Something completely new to me. The last time I was single, I was between 25 & 27. Yoh! The number of bad first dates I’ve been on.

The number of losers who manage to do enough right in the way of being nice enough or having enough of a personality to even crack a first date & then loosing it…quickly!

I don’t know how many times I’ve sent a “Please Call me” to my sisters and friends, then pretended I had to help them with a flat tyre…in order to get away from a disaster first date or hook up.

Fortunately…times have changed.

In our 30’s, we all at least know what we DON’T want from a relationship.

Being a single 30 summin means that we have had at least one serious failed relationship…sometimes many…sometimes none. We may have even co-habitated, been engaged or married before being a single 30 summin.

And… we have encountered and been attracted to the opposite sex for long enough to know what we want and what we don’t want.

Now let’s pretend that not as many people are content with living a lie and everyone who hasn’t found their soul mate & homie-lover-friend wants to.

I know that it’s 2013 & they promised us Hover Boards a place where “we dont need roads” by 2015…at least what we do have is a fail free filtering process.

What would you wanna know about an attractive stranger or someone who civilly engaged in conversation?

Age? Education? Home-Town? Job?

If he where vaguely interesting, you might wanna ascertain more.

Is this his “going out outfit”, or does he actually have style?

I like men with a good sense of style in general…for a partner, its essential.

If I bring it…so should you!

What kind of friends does he have?

I’ve always been a part of a tight group of friends who have genderless friendships. Where I’m just another bra and not a “girl” who should bring out bites and speak when spoken to.

Like G-Unit called it…”I’m not your boyfriend, I’m your homie!”

Once you’ve cracked the surface, there’s a character assassination that can take place much quicker than a potentially excruciating first date and much more effort than most people are worth…and it’s on Social Media!

Is he smart? Interesting? Funny? What does he like? Where does he party? Past relationships? Is he opinionated and knowledgeable or dry and boring?

Is he ahead if the curve or behind it?
Is he interesting?

Except for the advice bit! We all need good advice!

All these things that we can now see from the things people share are invaluable filtration tools.

I’m busy. I have no time to waste. I also don’t have the patience to ascertain whether someone possesses character traits that I refuse to put up with (like ignorance:) over a dull dinner or drinks I want to desperately escape.

So assuming your intention is not to simply play around or take what you get but only really interact with someone with a whole lot of potential, then Social Media and Instant Messaging have become the best FIRST DATE ever.

When someone messages you it’s tantamount to the former glance across the hall at a Wedding or look in the club.

And yes, these things still happen and people still take the girl that they glanced at home (we know who you are)…but if you aren’t playing games, you would need to know a lot more about the glancer before engaging in a conversation.

There are lots of attractive guys out there but at least 90% of them would make me wanna pull my hair in agony after like 2 minutes.

The remaining 10% are predominantly my friends & family…leaving a minute population of attractive men with whom I could have a conversation. Now how many conversations do I have to start to find out whether you are the exception or the rule?

None…because I don’t talk to strangers. And if you try to talk to me while I’m out NOT trying to get picked up, you will learn very quickly how to feel like someone has thrown ice down your pants without them actually doing so!

When someone engages me on Social Media, I wish it was because he knew me & therefore I would know him and can make an educated guess about how far our interaction goes…sometimes it is…and when it is…it ends there.

More often than not…it isn’t!

If I get a friend request from someone I don’t know…with only pretty Indian girls as common friends and an image of a car that you don’t own as a profile picture…you will not get accepted.

Try twice and I block yo ass!

There is the typical Charo culprit with a car (generally not belonging to him) as a profile picture.

Should I get a request from a familiar name or face with 35 good common friends…maybe…but I will FIRST screen you and ask my sister if you are a fake profile/stalker she has encountered.

Should you pass on the fluffy stuff and actually start conversing…bad vocabulary, bad spelling, lack of humour, lack of wit and lack of charm will result in you going no further. Interest me or leave me alone.

MXIT speech is as off-putting to me as a toothless grin!

Conversation is so important to me. So is banter. You can’t hold your own? Adios!
Don’t get my humour? Tsek!

How long can you actually keep me interested? Sure you may be able to interest me for a few hours at a First Date…but if I chat to you for a week…are you still interesting?

Do you quote books, movies, songs? Do you make me think?
Are you a sharer of interesting information? Are you entertaining?

Social Media is the new First Date!

You can find out more about a person in his time-line than in one carefully constructed, perfectly rehearsed Mac Attack!

I explained to my homie how Filtering someone to decline their advances is different to stalking someone to imagine advances that aren’t there.

He agreed! And then coined the term “Pre-emptive Relationship Assessment!”

So, as long as men try to engage with me using Social Media as their first step, I will continue to preemptively assess the train wreck you would like to think might be a relationship using the very same platform.

Unfortunately though, life is not a music video and Drake is not going to walk up to me in a club and say “Hey girl! How you doing?”

“How do these dumb, irritating, ugly, annoying mofos always have such pluck to walk right up to a chick like you Kailz? And hit you with such flop lines?” a good male friend asked recently.

“If I didn’t know you, and I just saw you…I would never walk up to you and just choon! I wouldn’t know what to say. And I’d be scared that you’d just choon me sh*t as well” he continued…

The truth is that only the grot of the species has the pluck to walk up to a good-looking woman…who is obviously way above his league!

                                                                                                                                   

I asked a few guys if they would go up to a pretty hot, attractive woman while out and about and try to engage.

(I’ve only included a few of many!)

!

“Yeah all the time! You know this Kailoo. Then I take them home.”

–Sweet, funny, clever life-long friend

X

“I don’t ever approach women in clubs.”

–Good-Looking, Super Smart, Successful friend

 

X

“Yeah! I go up to chicks. I just chat to them. Imma friendly guy. If someone likes me…and someone generally does…then it’s on like Donkey Kong. I’m a ****** Boy! I always get chicks!”

–My Brother, My Blood

X

“I never, ever, ever go up to a girl I see at a club. I might smile at her if she is REALLY nice but, even if she smiles back, I won’t walk up to her and say anything. I generally start engaging with girls I meet through friends or work.”

– Tall, Smooth, Sexy Ex

X

“Jyeaaah I’d do that! I’d totally hook that up. You need to have like an opening like ‘what are you drinking’? What? What!”

-“I don’t have enough brown to go around” Workmate

X

“Yeah Kai! Why Not?”

–The dude with the Music and the Walk

X

“Yeah for sure. But I do sometimes feel a intimidated if she’s a hot chick. But yeah, mostly, yes!”

–Work mate with great hair

X

“Yeah for sure. If I smiled at her and she smiled back at me, I’d have another beer and go right up to her!”

–Strumming Strategist

Does culture have anything to do with it?

(Remember, I have only asked this question to guys who are good-looking and nice)

• All my Kasi connections where absolutely confident in their definite YES!
• All the previously advantaged boys where pretty confident and said Yes…Sometimes and Often!
• All the charos I asked, no matter how yummy they are, were definite in their NO! Except for my family…who said YES!

Errrr…No!

 So let’s see how this works out.

And I’m not talking about DATING IN MY 30’s…I’m talking about BATTING  IN MY 30’s!

Batting scraggly balls for days!!!

The transformation eating plan!

Talented designer mandi Stock created this Image of our Transformation diet.
Follow her Blog on Tumblr.
http://mandi-stock.tumblr.com/

My transformation team!

Photo Caption

Why I want the best body ever!

Quite simply…I want more kids!

Despite what anyone says…how hard or easy a pregnancy is…how much money one spends after to fix bits and bobs…No woman’s body will ever be the same after pregnancy.

The strength and conditioning I’ll get from this transformation will not only allow my body to bounce back to normal quicker…but will make carrying babies easier and be less devastating on the body.

Already, the strength I have gained from Cross Fit makes carrying Sona a lot easier than before.

There are many, many ways in which this transformation will make having my next 2 kids a less brutal onslaught on my body.

I’m sure that cooking on a fire, beating mats, taking care of 6-8 kids, fetching water from the well and carrying fire wood up the hill kept Mothers in good nick…sitting at a desk for 9 hours a day has the opposite affect on the woman of 2012 me thinks.

Furthermore, our lifestyles are a whole lot different and not entirely conducive to a “strong, healthy & fit” body…the only body to have when having a baby

Muscle Tone

1. Progesterone can be thought of as the hormone responsible for many of the body tissues to “relax” or decrease tone during pregnancy
2. Progesterone acts directly on Musculoskeletal system, relaxing muscles, ligaments and joints, and sometimes decreasing muscle strength
3. Progesterone works together with relaxin to affect some of the musculoskeletal changes. A pregnant woman may be surprised at her inability to pick up a heavy item with one hand, or she may have to adjust to changes in posture. The relaxation in chest ligaments actually causes an increase in chest size, with larger thoracic cage dimensions
4. The effect of Progesterone on ligaments is particularly devastating over the long term.     The integrity of the entire skeletal system is compromised due to loosening and flaccidity of ligaments

Abdonimal Muscles before and during pregnancy

The stronger I am. The less my muscles will be affected.

The better my muscle tone, the easier it will be to recuperate.

Stamina & Endurance

1. Backache during pregnancy is one of the most uncomfortable, debilitating kind of backache
2. Epidurals generally lead to ongoing pain that can last weeks to months after pregnancy
3. The weight of the baby & amniotic fluid etc. carried on the abdomen can affect the entire posture badly and also cause unnecessary stretching of the skin and affect the rib cage

The effect of carrying a baby on the spine

Victoria Beckham caries her daughter around everywhere she goes. And this too, wearing the highest heels ever!

If I am stronger and fitter, I will be able to carry the weight of my babies better.

The stronger I am, the less impacted my back will be by the extra weight of pregnancy.

The stronger I am, the more endurance and stamina I will have during the exhausting and trying last semester of pregnancy.

Baby Fat

1. I was born a fat child which means that I have many fat cells. When they all fill up…it isn’t easy to get rid of
2. I have genetics working against me. Most of the women in my family do not bounce back well after pregnancy and are not blessed with firm, tight skin and great muscle tone. I have great muscle tone and my muscles build easily and quickly with good memory. This doesn’t help when they are covered in a layer of fat
3. Studies show that women who gain too much during pregnancy are at a higher risk for having a cesarean delivery. They also tend to retain too much weight after pregnancy and have a higher weight in subsequent pregnancies. This can be a problem because women who start pregnancy overweight are at higher risk for complications including gestational diabetes and preeclampsia.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_pregnancy-weight-gain-what-to-expect_1466.bc

The less body fat I have before pregnancy, the easier it will be to lose the little which I gain through discipline and healthy eating.

The more toned and slim I am before pregnancy, the easier it will be to bounce back after.

Age

1. I am considering having babies in 2-4 years
2. It is unfortunately true that simply by being older, you have had more chance to develop medical disorders such as diabetes, high blood pressure or other chronic diseases, which can affect pregnancy and birthRead more: http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/antenatalhealth/ageandpregnancy/#ixzz29xMJjyfY
3. Losing weight after 35 will no doubt be a challenge in it’s own right

It doesn’t mater how old I am. If my physical age is younger, I will fend off the effects of having a baby in my late thirties easier.

C-Section

1. It’s common knowledge that getting a flat tummy back after a c-section is harder than after normal birth. This is, of course because the fascia connecting the Abdominal muscles to the pelvis and hip bones are cut through

The harder and more toned my tummy muscles are, the easier it will be to re-form them and tone up.

I love being a MUM and I cannot wait to have Mr. Gopaul’s babies. I intend to make sure that I have the best vessel in which to carry my babies in and an easy journey back to normality.

I know that Hollywood hot Mummy’s have a lot of help to get their bodies back…but I admire some Mummy’s who look amazing just weeks after their giving birth.

Some Inspiration…

Heidi Klum at Victoria’s Secret 5 weeks after having her baby!

J-lo; before, during and after!

J-lo looks amazing!

2 babies later and looking amazing!

Kourtney after having Mason!

Halle Berry!

The story of my Body!

Fat cells develop during the third trimester of pregnancy. They may multiply up until puberty but rarely after that. When an individual gains fat, his fat cells get larger as opposed to multiplying. When an individual loses weight, his fat cells are reduced in size.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/281665-how-to-get-rid-of-fat-cells-before-20/#ixzz29m9CtGdw

The thing is that I certainly had no shortage of Adipocytes!

Hey Fatty Boom Boom. I’m the one at the Bottom!

When I shed that baby fat…I really did shed it! I was a skinny child to say the least. And tall! At times, I do think I was too skinny as a kid!

My cousins Himal, Darshana and Jits on Diwali 1987. My Mum made us all matching outfits which mau and I helped her design. How fly are we? And look at the MAIN GANGSTA on her stool!

Then came puberty and the only thing that changed about my body (aside from the obvious) was my hair!!!

I roller skated for most of my life and rode a bicycle everyday. I graduated to rollerblading and was rarely NOT on a set off wheels.

When I started taking note of bodys I liked on TV and in music videos I tried a little.

A couple of crunches sufficed.

I also kept fit by dancing with my sisters. This didn’t impact my eating habits. Baked goods everyday. Roti, rice, sugar…slap chips all the time.

Lunch at school consisted of a Chocolate log and Coke. All that junk probably went to my brain!

Kathak Dancing is no joke!

I flew through my 20’s relatively unperturbed by the little signs that maybe I didn’t have that “Bounce back Bod” and just went through life eating what I wanted and doing what I wanted!

Waitressing in London, walking to the tube and dancing at Pascha London changed that though and 12 hour shifts at the restaurant carved my body into a mean machine.

At Rascasse in 2004!

Going to a club in a bikini top and skirt? Really?!

And I unashamedly enjoyed this 20 something body! Wearing whatever I wanted and never caring about maintaining or eating healthy.

Life was wonderful.

However, as the information era crept into SA, more and more I understood the importance of exercise and fitness.

For a single girl living on her own in Melville, you have 2 options for after work…go drinking or go gyming.

I chose the gym!

And it was a wonderful time of my life where my body was the last thing I concerned myself about.

Stimorol Tour 2006

SunCoast Deck Durban 2006 with Shakti

Camps Bay Mansion Vibes 2006-taken by Deeshy

Nilly’s 21st in 2005

Pranavan’s Wedding 2006

Partying with the M side Massif in Size 6!

Sunbathing on Clifton 4th in 2007.

And then I went on that wonderful, sacred and physically draining experience called pregnancy!

And while my child is my life…the effects of having her were so devastating to my body that I am still dealing with the repercussions.

1. I didn’t eat properly. I ate practically which didn’t bode well for my ever expanding waistline
2. Complications and circumstances prevented me from exercising
3. I was unhappy and therefore not able to fully focus on my health and recovery but more on surviving on a day-to-day basis
4. I breastfed but because I didn’t eat well enough, my body stored fat and water instead of losing it

5 Months along and still looking fit!

And the fatness creeps in! Raksha Bhandan 2008.

Preggy vibes

Just after Sona’s Birth!

But then the stress of being a single Mum dealing with all the roughness of life at the time kicked in and I lost weight!

Looking back at the pics, I looked great…thinking back, I was VERY unhappy about my body.

Still, gym, working out and taking care of me was the furthest thing from my mind! (NO REGRETS…I took care of Sona!)

YFM Jaegermeister 2009

A night out with my Fam 2009-Heemal & Deeshy for guaranteed good times!

Melville Nights 2010

Hype Awards 2009-I made that dress:)

Shalini’s wedding Dec 2010-The day I met Rudy!

Shalini’s Wedding with Maush, Deeshy, Darsh and Sona

And then I met the love of my life and life was suddenly wonderful.

Happiness, as far as I’m concerned, is the best cosmetic!

The most amazing man in the world! Rudy’s 34th Birthday 2011.

No less than fabulous! H2O March 2011

The biggest contributor was that I quite smoking. Even though I smoked about a pack a week, I put on 7kgs of pure fat!

CRINGE!!! Look at my arms!

My Birthday 2011 with Thabi

And then, the dissatisfaction crept in. I worked crazy hours and was very unhappy at work.

So like all people should do when they are unhappy at work, I resigned and found my calling in Social Media marketing.

Very shortly afterwards, Rudy was awarded a company incentive trip to RIO and there was no way I was taking this body with me.

So thanks to Virgin Active, Rudy’s gift of personal training sessions and a trainer named Sandile who said “there are many ways to skin a cat” I kinda got a bit of my bod back!

Not bad…not great! Copacabana Beach Dec 2012

Date night at Ipanema

At the Flamenco vs. Vasco Da Gama-Rio-2011

At the Flamenco vs. Vasco Da Gama-Rio-2011

Sugar Loaf Mountain and a Carnival party I will never forget!

At the Marius Crustaceos restaurant in Rio.

On the subway in Rio. Dec 2011

Looking at the Cocavardo, Cristo Redentor or “Christ the Redeemer” in Rio.

And now, almost a year has passed and still, I am not happy with my body.

The religion I was raised with purports the belief that the body is merely the vessel of the soul and that any focus on the material (including the body) takes away from the development of the spiritual being/soul.

I don’t agree. I don’t know what happens after this thing called LIFE is over and I die. Many books and fables, stories and legend may elude to the reincarnation of the soul or elevation of the body to heaven…facts are; I don’t know for certain.

I have this one life. I intend to live it. In the best body possible.

I want to be happy with what I see and who I am and I am willing to work hard to achieve my goals.

This is me right now…

20th October 2012

And soon, I will have the body of my dreams.

Strong, fit, healthy, toned and amazing.

8 weeks. 5 ladies. HARD WORK!

Watch this space!

miTunes!

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These are the TOP 10 tracks that I am loving!

(In no particular order)

1. “Up!” LoveRance ft. 50 Cent 
2. “Ayy Ladies” Travis Porter ft. Tyga 
3. “Pretty Little Heart” Robin Thicke ft. Lil Wayne 
4. “Beez In The Trap” Nicki Minaj ft. 2Chainz 
5. “Round of Applause” Waka Flocka Flame ft. Drake 
6. “Sabotage” Wale ft. Lloyd 
7. “Right by my side” Nicki Minaj ft. Chris Brown 
8. “Wild Ones” FLorida ft. Sia 
9. “Club Paradise” Drake (Bob Marley outro) 
10. “Drank in my cup” Kirko Bangz 

Let’s meet at the Park…I mean, let’s park at the Baron!

I have wonderful memories of going to the park as a kid.

All it took was a little trip down the street with my Grand Dad or Aunt and sometimes, with my little sister…all on our own! We sometimes walked, we sometimes rode our bikes…we sometimes roller skated…we ALWAYS went to park.

Our best days at the park where, by far, summer holidays!

My cousins from Durbs would come over and we would literally head for the park as soon as we possibly could. Each trip to the park was preceded by an adventure in search of syrup lemons, dried lemons, dried mangoes, Coke in a bottle, sour prunes and other interesting delicacies one only finds in Laudium, Pretoria!

Even though parks where wonderful, they were not essential to our lives nor did they define our childhood.

Parks where not the only place for us to interact with other kids at all. In fact we had “other kids” to go to parks with.

We all had siblings it seems…and cousins who lived with us or down the road.We all had massive gardens and if not, our neighbours’, Grandparents’ or cousins’ gardens would suffice.

We could play in the street and ride our bikes…walk down the road and go to the shops alone…we could even walk to the movies…

Quite simply; company, space and adventure were something we all took for granted growing up in townships and emerging suburbs back in the 80’s!

Enter my friendly, playful, attention seeking 3 and a half year old!

She loves having company! She loves playing with other kids! She loves attention! She loves adventure!

Unfortunately, her “only child” status doesn’t give her much option but to turn Jarrid (a friend’s son) into an imaginary friend!
I look at her discussing what game to play next with her imaginary Jarrid and feel quite sorry for her knowing that, at the same age, I had a real sister and a dozen cousins with whom to have the same conversation.

I’m not about to have another child simply to provide Sona with company and I feel she may be too young for a puppy…so, what does one do when your child is tearing your house apart and the Daddy is not around to chase her, play “monster” games or take her for a bike ride? Please can I add that Mummy is flat out with extreme backache and trying to substitute any of the man’s actions would result in an epic fail?

I know!!!

Let’s go to the Park!

Mummy can sit down and read a book while Sona uses up all her pent-up energy and gets to talk to real kids, play with real kids, get dirty and have some fun!

Oh Oh! Wait a minute…there are no public parks that I know of.

Furthermore, because other Mothers don’t have a culture of taking their kids to the park in this neigbourhood, I can’t be guaranteed to find a full playground which is both clean and safe.

So, as is the case on most days where we are looking for a child friendly environment where we can eat, have a drink and watch our child play…we head over to the Baron in Fourways!

Described as contemporary dining;  the Baron, much like The Hog’s Head, Papachinos, Outter Limits (to name a few) provide a lot more than a play area for kids to keep themselves occupied whilst Mummy and Daddy are eating…these restaurants provide kids with a place to socialise with other kids, play on playground equipment and rough and tumble…as kids should do!

More and more, I find myself choosing these venues simply BECAUSE Sona needs some company.

The cost of a Hunters, a cocktail and a meal feels like a small price to pay for providing my child with some fun and the company of other kids.

And yes it would be much easier to invite some kids over, have a play date or visit friends or family with kids…but this is a busy life we are living.

Unless you book a date a month in advance, no one (myself included) has any space for spontaneity…added to which, sometimes, you kinda just wanna chill out…sit in your own thoughts and watch your kids play!

Isn’t it sad that, unless you live on an estate or very specific neighborhood, finding a place where your child can play, run and jump is so hard?

 

Isn’t it nice though that on just about any day, there is a local that not only offers some drinks and grubbut also a play area with at least 3 child-minders where you might even be lucky enough to find a clown ?

Let them eat cake!

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So the prospect of my daughter’s 2nd Birthday dawns upon me and as usual, I want to throw the best party for her ever. Last year I completely out did myself with her 1st Birthday Party themed “Alice in Wonderland”.

The biggest learning for me was that an Ice-Cream cake for a summer party is a big NO GO! The cake melts by the time the candles are blown out and no number of Indian Aunties with cones and scoops can get the Ice-Cream served on time.

So by the time Sona turned 2, the one thing I did know is that we would NOT have an Ice-Cream cake.

The theme was easy to decide. Sona loves animals and “Old McDonald’s Farm” but is way too stylish and Diva-licious for a normal farmerish farm party…and so it was “Funky Farm”.

Now that we had a theme and a look and feel, it was time to get started with the cake.

Now remember, that whilst I had to cook up something amazing for her Birthday party, I also had to make sure she had a phenomenal cake for her school party which would take place the next Monday.

The idea was simple. A Black and White spotted cake in 2 tiers with funky farm animals on it.

The first challenge was the roll-out fondant icing, the colors, mixing the right pallet and constructing the characters.

The tricks to using roll-out icing successfully are;

• Only ever use gel coloring
• Don’t mix the gel to get mixed colors, mix the icing. Eg; if you want Orange icing, mix equal parts of yellow and red icing. So make your primary colors up, make some black and then get the colors you want.
• Always keep the icing moist and prevent from drying until you are done.
• If the icing is too sticky to work with, let it dry a little before working with it.
• You can stick parts together using warm water.
• keep your hands very clean and very dry because a wet finger can turn a masterpiece into a mess.

The little characters where the hardest part of the task. It took me an entire week of late nights to make this bunch of reject farm animals up.

It was on the Friday night before the party that it all came together.

I invited some friends over bought a few bottles and some pizza and got to work on pre-party preparations.

Sona, who loves cooking, baking and “making pizza” started helping me but the mess became too much for me to handle!

So after much hard work and a lot of trial with little error, the cake turned out to be marvelous and my little NANA loved it the minute she saw it. She said “WOW! It’s Sona’s Birthday cake Mama! It’s Deee-Leeee-shus!”

The party turned out fabulously as well. You have to see what it looked like in order to appreciate the gorgeousness of the cake in situ!

[slidesh

Sona’s 1st Birthday Party

Sona’s 1st Birthday Party

Sona’s 1st Birthday Party

Sona’s 1st Birthday Party

Death by a melting cake

Sona’s 1st Birthday

Sona’s 1st Birthday

Sona’s 1st Birthday

ow]

So in the aftermath of a hectic Birthday Party, actual Birthday the next day and an entire weekend of celebration, I had to get my butt off the sofa and bake another cake. The school cake concept was a lot simpler;

The idea was to be fun, playful an Oh-So-Sona!

And the result of all my hard work and the love I put into it;

A Happy little Sona Pop!

Moyo Zoo Lake-Epic Fail

So every time I find myself lying on the gorgeous leather recliners for an hour before I actually get a menu, I ask myself the same question; “Why do we come here”?

The answer is always the same…We want to go to Moyo at Zoo Lake and relax on the deck because, after the park, chasing ducks around the lake, kicking a ball with a 2 year old and getting sticky icky with ice-cream, the natural progression is to watch the sunset on the gorgeous deck with a tasty cocktail and have a bite to eat…

The sad fact of the matter is that the draw card for Moyo Zoo Lake, which is the atmosphere, is the only good thing about the place.

I have fought the bad service for years! And now that the service has reached the worst levels it has ever been, I am confronted by awful food, unrealistic price hikes and an atmosphere compromised by unhappy patrons, some of whom stood up and left without even seeing the menu!

How does it all go so wrong? How does the restaurant who markets itself as “The unique destination for the sophisticated African…” end up being such a complete mess?

Service: Love- Love

For the last 3 years, my pet gripe with Moyo has been that I’d sit and wait for up to 40 minutes without a menu, knowing exactly what I want to drink and eat and suffer in (not so much) silence while 6 Aunties in their fong kong dashikis stood around having a fat chat. It’s always been a pain in my hypothalamus and there came a stage where I would arrive, ask to speak to the manager and complain about bad service before it actually happened…

What was completely abysmal about yesterday was that there was one droopy faced waiter for the entire deck and he actually pre-warned us that he is very busy and wouldn’t be able to attend to us properly.

Results;

• Wait time for Menu          40 mins
• Wait time for Drinks        30 mins
• Wait time for Food           45 mins
• Lone Indian Dad with 4 kids waited 45 mins for service and then 30 mins for 2 milkshakes and another 20 mins for a Mojito that the waiter forgot.
• Sweet couple on their 3rd date waited and hour to be acknowledged and left without having even seen a waiter.
• My new Twend Mandisa waited 45 mins to order her Mojito and then another 45 mins to get it.

The steady decline of the quality of food….

So I should have anticipated it a few months ago when I ordered fish and it was at first sight, smell and taste terribly rotten. However, I saw this misfortune as simple bad luck and went on to order and enjoy a tasty calamari salad.

Little did I know that this marked the decline of the quality and dare I say quantity of the food.

Now let’s start with the bread. Gone are the trays of 4 different types of yummy freshly baked bread, Olive oil, chilli, dipping seeds and honey mustard…gone entirely! Now, one has to ASK for bread and then wait 20-30 mins to be presented with a poor excuse for a Rotli with a hole in the center. This side-plate sized flat bread is thin and really unimpressive except for the fresh Dhania (Coriander) chopped over the top. The center is cut out and replaced with a little dish of Olive oil. The bread is served with a slice of lemon. It takes the average adult couple about 2 seconds to get through the paper thin Life-saver!

So I ordered my favorite drink at Moyo, The Forbidden Fruit cocktail. The only pleasant experience of my time there except for the company and sunshine of course.

A Divine gin cocktail with fresh-ish fruit and a refreshing taste.

At R36 (the price I am accustomed to paying) I didn’t expect what came next!

Recession what?

Open the Main menu! Shock horror. My favorite dish, the samaki kavu
(tanzanian fish curry with a coconut milk, turmeric, spinach and groungnut sauce, served with sun-dried mango) which I last paid R 89 for was now R129!!!

Ok, so a slight price fluctuation? Not only had the menu changed, but almost every main dish was priced at over R100. Not an issue if the size of the serving justifies the price…but a quick glance around me quickly revealed that the increase in price was indirectly proportionate to the decrease in size of the servings.

I decided to go for the the moyo burger/zanzi chicken
handmade south african burgers served on moyo pumpkin and sweet potato bread. R45!

The soggy Lettuce for a sophisticated African Dinner!

And so it arrives. the bread is hard and stale. The chicken is tasty and the sauce is nice but there was way too little of it.

2 small slices of gherkin, 2 rings of Onion and a piece of wilted lettuce accompanied the “burger”!

Then came the point where I asked for some chilli sauce. Chilli sauce; You know the

stuff made out of chillis and bottled or cooked up by the chef.

Chilli Sauce is not Chilli sauce unless it is Chilli sauce!

The difference between Chilli sauce and Tabasco sauce is that Tabasco is made from peppers!

So, once we had eaten our food and our drinks had been drunk an hour before, we finally had an opportunity to order round 2. 2 hours after being there. One drink came 20 mins later and we waited another 20 mins for the 2nd Forbidden Fruit.

The only thing that came quickly and speedily was the bill.

All in all, a disappointing experience! The service and standards of the restaurant don’t match the setting or reputation at all. What’s the point of going somewhere with the implicit intention of chilling and relaxing when the only emotions that the place conjures are those of frustration and annoyance?

Moyo Zoo Lake need to do some hard work to up their game so that consumers can have the same experience that they have at the flagship Melrose Arch store and the even more beautiful uShaka Marine world.

Come on Moyo…what’s with the attitude?